In June of last year I attended a women’s retreat in Harrison with some lovely ladies from my church. One of the sessions involved praying and asking God for a word, and then writing it on a rock. A few ladies had done this before hand, and shared their vastly different words, and what they felt the Lord meant by it. Some with very clear meaning, and others waiting to see how their word might unfold. Because I enjoy writing, and sharing my story over platforms such as this blog, I had thought my word was going to be “write”. Maybe one day I’d write a book, maybe my blog or social media presence would be enough… but I fully expected to get that word.
But when I began to pray, the word SPEAK came very clearly. And in that moment I knew I would need to share my story, my testimony, not only in writing, but in person – by voice. I knew there would be opportunities to share, and I would need to say YES to them.
Now, I am not a public speaker by any stretch of the imagination. I’ve never enjoyed speaking to groups. Always got SO nervous with speeches in school. This is not an area I’m comfortable in. But Jesus never asked me to be comfortable. In fact, I’m pretty sure He asks the opposite of us.
The very first time I knew I needed to share publicly was before this though. Perhaps God was planting this seed before I even knew it. When Chase passed away, I knew I needed to speak at his memorial service. I had be told, and reassured, that I didn’t need to speak. That people didn’t expect me to. That if I wanted to write something out, someone could read it for me. And although this is perfectly understandable, I knew I needed to share our story, and speak of Chase myself. And I did. In front of the over 1000 people who came to remember and honour my husband.
So when God gave me SPEAK, I knew, if I could speak in front of that many people, in the most vulnerable state of my life, I would be able to share my story. Again. And again. And as many times as He asks me to. Likely until the end of my days.
A little over a week ago I shared at a women’s event with my church. It was an intimate gathering. And so beautiful. The details of what I shared that night are for the women who attended, but I shared on the deep love of God, on His Faithfulness, and how He often uses people to show His love. How through losing Chase, God continues to reveal His overwhelming, never ending, seemingly reckless Love.
Just last night, myself and a group of seven other women who have committed to doing Freedom Session, got together and each shared our story. All so vastly different. Heartbreaking, exciting, painful, joyful, crushing, and hopeful stories. It was hard, and it was liberating.
SPEAK isn’t just for me.
Your story matters – tell it. By whatever means you can.
Hope in the Hurting 